Living Vicariously

i do it alot - living vicariously.  i'm that girl who's the heroine's best friend.  everybody's always so preoccupied with the heroine finding love (not that that's not important) that the "best friend" character is always ignored.  she's the sweet, quiet, helpful, encouraging, beautiful, supportive best friend who'd do anything for the heroine without a second thought.  but all she ever gets to do is watch.  and have you ever noticed? - she never gets a happily ever after, the happiness of the heroine is supposed to be enough.  let me tell you, while being that girl has its rewards, it can also leave you feeling royally screwed.  the story says you are just as amazing as the heroine, but somehow, you're always by yourself.  it's a screwed up little world.  for those of you who have read CCS, maybe you get it.  i'm totally tomoyo, who, if you've noticed, always says it's enough if sakura is happy.  she watches life from behind a video camera; she's the one that can't make any big contribution to the group.  why does that girl never get a happily ever after?  why?  it's just not fair.

i'm done with the empty promises that things will get better in college.  it's not true; it would be too good to be true.  so, let's face it, friends are going to have to be enough.  and while they matter a great deal, there's a big difference between a friend and a soulmate.  because, you see, each friend has a soulmate, and that person is #1 in their heart, so a friend can't help but come in a close #2.  and it's completely unintentional, in a good way.  soulmates ought to come first, but if you end up being just a friend and never a soulmate, can you imagine how depressing that would be?  

don't tell me things will get better.  just don't.  because when they don't, i don't want to be disappointed.  i don't want unrealistic expectations.  you can't really kill dreams, so i'll just have to deal with those.  "low expectations, high hopes" = eeyore, or, you know, what i'd like to be.  my life is so depressing.