Musings

so, per the usual, it is while drinking coffee and reading shojo that i discover the most about myself.  and since i read for roughly three hours, my musings were rather extensive.  so, here we go, into the odd, oft-times depressing world of me.

my cousin, we'll call him kael (his "timering" name), asked me why i didn't write a normal love story when he heard me describing the particulars of my most recent (and unfinished) plot bunny "a brand new cliche".  to my chagrin, i realized that i had never even attempted it, and even worse, that i would have no clue where to start.  i guess it's 'cause i've never experienced a normal love story.  it's a lot easier to write things that would never happen and try to make them sound plausible.  i can do fantasy, even your basic fiction, but not the realistic stuff.  which is sad.  'cause it means i'm not a very good writer.  but as a writer, experience is gold, so i guess i must need experience in love to actually write it like it happens.  observing just isn't enough.  grr...

also, why am i boyfriendless (if that's a word)?  i may not be skinny; i may even be chubby; but i am certainly not ugly.  in fact, aside from the handful of pounds i'd like to lose, i think i'm rather pretty, and that i clean up nicely.  and even with all my faults, i think i'm a pretty decent person, a reliable friend, and a sweet, genuine girl.  so, once again, where are all the guys?  i mean, seriously, is there something so wrong with me that i'm missing?  yes, i treat teenage boys like mentally deranged children, do you have a problem with that?  i just call 'em like i see 'em, and believe me, if not mentally deranged, they are at least children.  and i'd like to think the jibes are good-natured and imply at least a fraction of affection for all those guys i know.  i'll treat them with respect, but i'll also treat them like their behavior prompts.  i'm genuine, honest - isn't that supposed to be a good thing?  aside from the obvious sarcasm, i don't try to tear people down, ever.  so, what am i doing wrong?  all my friends say they can't understand it, why i don't have a boyfriend that is.  but maybe they're just being nice.  although i don't think they'd lie to me, especially not sarah and michael.  according to them, i ought to have a bunch of guys after me.  unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case.  are boys just stupider than i give them credit for?  i mean seriously, i think i'm good girlfriend material; am i really just that blind?  grawr *pouts*  life sucks.  and not in the depressed way; in the why-doesn't-anything-ever-work-out-right-for-me way.  well, until it decides to be nice to me again, i'll be sulking in the nearest dark corner.  you're welcome to visit me.