"Hate Is A Strong Word"

i've said it before - i don't like the way i look.  i don't like that i know i weigh more than 90% of my class (probably a higher percent than that too).  i hate that i can't wear the clothes i love because all they do is show fat rolls.  i really don't like that there are certain stores i can't even window shop at (nothing in my size is carried).  i hate the fact that how fat i am makes me completely unattractive to guys.  i hate that nothing i try seems to fix that.  i hate that no matter how content i may be with the way i look when it's just me and the mirror, give me five minutes in the mall, and i want desperately to change what i'm wearing or cry.  i hate that i don't like me because i know i'm supposed to.  i wish somebody could just wave a wand and *poof* i'd be a decent size.  i've done dieting, exercise - the whole sha-bang, but nothing changes, and i find myself increasingly miserable.  so what's it going to take?  (fyi - that's not an invitation to answer my question.)